A very unpleasant day today and an ice-cold reminder that Peru is not paradise and whilst its people like to carry saints around the Plaza, sainthood is a distant dream for most of them.
I spent the night in pain again and woke up once more with that 'bowling ball' feeling.
My 'below the waist, above the knee' problem is back with a vengeance.
My pain didn't improve after arriving at the cafe to discover that Valerio had gone to the wholesale market to buy veg and had not returned nearly three hours later.
Esther and I got straight into a taxi and headed for Huancaro ourselves.
The market was fairly empty and despite a call over what could only be vaguely described as a PA system, there was no sign of Valerio.
We rang the cafe from a phone on the street, all of the payphones in the market had been stolen (the booths were there but no phones - great).
Ali confirmed that our absent errand boy was still AWOL.
We scoured the market again crunching over jawbones and hairy hooves but there was still no Valerio.
We gave up and went back to Moni.
Valerio was there, dewey eyed and sheepish.
The Cock and Bull story was there too.
To summarise ;
He had been arrested by police looking for a murder suspect.
They examined him physically, noting all scars and marks.
They asked him why he had a haircut recently (?!)
He was interrogated by 'unknown' officers in an 'unknown' police station.
He was held for nearly three hours in total.
My immediate reaction was to go to this 'unknown' location and speak to the 'unknown' police.
Sadly the police do get up to all sorts here and are perfectly capable of plenty of 'Gallo y Toro' themselves.
Esther meanwhile was on the phone to the Cusco police, regional police and Huancaro police.
She also told Valerio to tell us straight away if any part of his story was not true.
Esther's intention was to pursue the cops for abuse of power etc.
She didn't get anywhere with the 'law enforcers', so she took Valerio back to the apartment so that he could have a shower.
It was at this point that the 'Cock' crowed and the 'Bull' shit.
He had made it all up.
Valerio had been occupied all morning in an internet cafe and there was no 'Stop in the name of Plodo' involved at all.
Esther and I convened one of our Peruano/Britanico Inquisitions to figure out what was next.
I suppose in England I would have unsheathed my heavily bloodstained axe and got shot of the lying berk straight away, but here things are different.
Sacking Valerio was still favourite though, especially after his antics last year.
'You're Fired' might come easy for Sir Alan but over here you have to be sure that the replacement won't be ten times worse.
When I thought about it, this route could have fairly negative consequences for us.
Instead I opted for a series of draconian financial penalties which doubtless won't make him learn but might make him think.
A nasty cloud of deception has hung over the whole day and we've both been very upset that someone we have treated like family has repaid us like this.
We have convened a Moni Meeting on Monday at 7am when some more draconian measures will be introduced once we have thought of them.