I will have to come back to tales of our jungle trip, because events in Cusco are taking over.
Our friend Gary has acquired a dog.
Not just any old dog.
When we went to 'Jacks' the day before yesterday a doleful Basset Hound was lolling peacefully against the step.
Not just any old Basset Hound.
Gary introduced his new companion as 'Rocky'.
Rocky lolled a bit further and revealed why he is not 'just any old dog'.
Rocky is blessed.
And cursed at the same time.
Rocky has the biggest set of doggy tackle I have ever seen in my life.
In most other dogs his impressive jewels would be termed the 'fifth leg', poor old Rocky is crippled though and can only drag where others scamper, occasionally using his bulbous penis like a walking stick.
Rocky (or THE ROCK as I call him in my head) was being maltreated where he lived just around the corner from Jack's.
The most benevolent man in Cusco, Gary intervened and after offering to buy the Porky Penis Portraying Pooch he whisked THE ROCK off to the vets.
Cowed and with ribs protrubing, there seemed little hope for THE ROCK but he was jabbed, cleaned up and handed back over to his new owner.
When we saw THE ROCK yesterday he was taking in the sun in Gary's bar in the Plaza de Armas.
We were there to interview some girl's for jobs at Moni.
After we had finished one interview Gary walked over with an aerosol of fly and flea killer in his hand.
'You haven't just used that on the dog have you?' I asked, knowing that he had.
'Yes, it's alright Michael, his fleas are terrible the poor bastard'
'Give me the can'
I turned the can round and sure enough there was the warning on the back -
'DO NOT APPLY TO ANIMALS, PLANTS OR CHILDREN'
'Gary .....'
The justification that followed was pure Gary.
'Look his fleas are upsetting him, this stuff works, I know it does, I know because when I worked on the cruise ships I had a problem and I used it on myself .... and I'm still here'
Conversation killer.
We left the bar as THE ROCK, bewildered and confused, sniffed the air and licked at his new chemical coat.
Gary walks faster than anyone I have ever met at altitude or sea level, he now has a crippled dog, they are quite a sight as they dash and drag respectively along Cusco's narrow streets.
We went out with Jane and Fiona last night and discussed THE ROCK, apparently he is now called Pablo .... I need to speak to Gary.